Family Values

This is a one of a series of straight talk articles and as with all straight talk articles I will be getting to some really touchy topics that most people esp. us Indians don’t want to hear about and prefer sweeping it under the carpet… this is the katha I talk on when I perform pujas for people. Instead of the normal Satya Narayana Katha I speak on family values. What’s the point speaking on higher levels of spirituality when there are no family values? If your foundation of your house is not strong then your house may crumble after a short while and in the same way many of our Indian homes are broken and dysfunctional because there is no foundation to the family…

Over the years I have seen so many families degenerate and it has become such a problem now that it become something that we should be very very alarmed about… this article is dedicated to FAMILY VALUES.

Life is so short these days that is rather sad when I see many of our Indian people just waste their precious human birth on worrying, being nasty, touchy, spiteful, angry at other people, the world and so forth….

A few months back I did a funeral for a child of 18 years and guess how he die? You may say suicide, murder, drug overdose, accident NOPE try heart attack… yip heart attack… and what’s sad was that the mother and child was always at wits end about many things… and when her child lay in the coffin she was crying uncontrollablely…. Hmmm that was a bit late I thought to myself… I witness this all the time. 3 out of 4 funerals I perform are under 40 years of age. Now thats an ouch…. It’s rather scary to see so many die so young.

That’s the reason for this article… may I humbly ask you this question and be very honest to yourself… When last did you hug your spouse? When I ask this question most couples just drop their head down and then I know they are guilty of that… this is one of the reasons I advise many do not love a person for their looks, love them for what’s inside. If that is beautiful then that will and should be attractive to you… I am sure most of us wish their spouse looks and remains like the day when they got married but hey that’s life and time takes over us. That’s when the beauty within one kicks in… I try to counsel many couples when that are having problems and I find that they just stop loving each other after a very short period after marriage. This is why one should not search for looks when finding a partner rather look for a person’s beauty and love within… this will stand the test of time… if you and your spouse are having it tough work it work. Remember most of your happiness in your life come from the person you marry so don’t rush into marriage and then suffer later on because by then children comes into the equation.

Just recently my wife and I was in a convenient store and we saw a little girl of no more than 5 years old dressed with clothes barely covering her body [this is common these days but it just struck us]. Everyone around was looking because they probably thought she was sooooo cute but imagine the same child a few years later. I don’t blame the child who is used to her parents dressing her like that. Now that young woman [14 or 15] hardly understands the negative attention she will be getting from older men, unfortunately we are living in a country where women and children are being raped at an alarming rate. I don’t mean that by what one wears means one is asking for this but there are people out there thinking and doing these things. It’s better to teach our children it’s ok to dress up fashionably but do it tastefully. This might be rather controversial what I said but these things are happening.

Mothers are also called Durga or fortress. If a fortress is strong and well fortified then it will be rather difficult for any criminals to break in. In the same way if a mother is strong in a family then the family stays together and remains strong. Can you see how important the mother is in the family? Each person has a duty to perform in the family…

Many Indian girls are forced and pushed into marriage by family pressure… and this seems in most cases to have detrimental effects… I have explained to parents don’t force your child into marriage when she is not ready…What would you prefer your child getting married having a child or two and then getting divorced and coming back home again after 2-3 years… This happens mainly due one of the qizzy aunts wants her to get married because what will people think “O my niece is getting old which boy would want her soon”…

Recently I spoke to a gentleman who works for the Prison services in Pretoria. I asked him why South Africa is having such problems with crime and so forth. He told me that it’s rather easy for the public to criticize the government BUT he said it all starts from home… I had to agree with him. And that’s the reason for this article… it very easy to criticize this government (and I wont go into that now) but it’s not their fault it really all starts from one’s home. The people to blame are the PARENTS. Now this wont go down too well with most parents but introspect and you will see I am right… most problems that we are having in the world are due to very dysfunctional upbringing from birth… most families that I perform prayers for, the children are so angry, arrogant, disrespectful that’s its no wonder this country don’t have much of a future. We got to do something about it NOW…

Do you blame the children? NO How can we, when the parents have their own issues and agendas. Parents need to work as a unit/team to bring up their kid/s in the proper manner. If the parents are screaming and arguing all the time then what precedence are they setting for their children? Remember children are like sponges and they absorb whatever they receive. If the parents are violent then it becomes a really vicious cycle because when the child grows up he will start doing that to his wife and the girl will find a guy (by default mind you) who will be abusive towards her why because she thinks that’s normal… the rut has to stop NOW. We have to take stock ourselves…

Before you go home today buy your wife some flowers and chocolates or buy your husband what he likes… be it a simple gift or not a gift is something special to receive…Every morning tell your wife/husband/children “I love you” and hug them. This may sound rather corny but “LOVE IS A DISEASE THAT I WANT TO SEE SPREAD LIKE A PLAGUE”. When your children see so much love between you two they will follow suit as well… you may never know that that may be the last time you see your loved one. Don’t cry for your loved one when he/she is in the coffin. Show them the love when they are alive… Remember that the moment you were born you are already on your journey towards your death.So when it happens I just can’t seem to understand why people get so upset. Life is a journey enjoy it…

A family that prays together stays together. In the mornings many family members pray separately. I know it will be difficult due to the times we live in but try to pray together and you will see what a huge difference this will make in your life. Also many family members eat alone. Many children sit in front of the one eye monster (the TV) and eat and this causes so many complications like indigestion etc. Please parents start eating together as a family on the dining room table. You will see what a huge difference this will make in your life.

The following bit of information is going to really upset some but it has to be said. Yes we as Indians are very close knit people. The Indian culture is one of close bonds. One of the main reasons why a lot of Indian families are breaking up is due to family interference and this comes from especially from the mother-in-law or the mother… O boy this will get a lot of people upset but in my years of helping people the mother-in-law or the mother seem to come up as one of the main reasons why there are problems and break up’s in families. It seems that they just don’t want to break free from their child… But please note I am not saying that this happens in every family but this happens to a lot of families. A lot of daughter in laws I really do pity because the mother-in-law feigns sickness etc just to get the attention of her son. The “poor” son doesn’t know which side to take because both ways he loses. And the son falls for it time and time again causing so much bitterness and anger in the family… My advice has always been as a couple stay on your own and live your life. This is going against the norms as Indians but we have to move on as a Hindu…

If I have offended anyone do accept my apologies but we have to as Hindus have to wake up from our very deep and prolonged slumber.

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